In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful!
Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's property). As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.(4:34)
The word nushooz, can mean “to beat” or “to separate”. To know which meaning this word implies in this verse, let's look at the prophet (peace be upon him) and his action when he was disobeyed by his wives. In the Hafsa and Aisha scandal he was disobeyed by his wives. He left them and separated himself from them, and didn’t beat them.
Hafsa and Aisha
Let's delve into the action of the prophet (peace be upon him) when his two wives disobeyed. He separated himself from them.
"By Allah we will play a trick on him. . ." (sahih bukhari, Book #63, Hadith #193) (sahih bukhari, Book #86, Hadith #102) (sahih muslim, Book #009, Hadith #3496) (sahih muslim,Book #009, Hadith #3497) (sahih bukhari, Book #78, Hadith #682) (sahih bukhari Book #63, Hadith #192) (sahih bukhari, Book #60, Hadith #434)
The response of the prophet
"No, but I have taken an oath that I would not go to them for one month." The Prophet stayed there for twenty-nine days, and then came down and went to his wives. (sahih bukhari, Book #43, Hadith #649) (66.4) (sahih bukkhari Book #62, Hadith #119) (sahih bukhari, Book #43, Hadith #648) (sahih bukhari, Book #60, Hadith #438) (sahih bukhari, Book #8, Hadith #395) (Sahih Bukhari, Book #3, Hadith #89)
Aisha scandal
The prophet (peace be upon him) in the Aisha scandal told her to repent instead of beating her.
"Now then O 'Aisha! If you have committed a bad deed or you have wronged (yourself), then repent to Allah as Allah accepts the repentance from his slaves." . . . I said, "By Allah, I will not do it and will not thank him nor thank either of you, but I will thank Allah Who has revealed my innocence . . . (sahih bukhari, Book #60, Hadith #281)
list of the disobedience of the wives of the prophet.
1. Men would get the upper hand over their wives and once the Muslims moved to Medina they lost that power, the prophet smiled. (sahih bukhari, Book #43, Hadith #648)
2. Prophet would get angry with his wives. (sahih bukhari, Book #43, Hadith #648)
3. telling the secret of the prophet. 66:2
4. Playing a trick upon the prophet. (sahih bukhari, Book #63, Hadith #193)
5. Almost divorcing his wives. (Sahih Bukhari, Book #3, Hadith #89) (sahih bukhari, Book #8, Hadith #395)
6. Prophet stayed away from his wives for a month. (sahih bukhari, Book #43, Hadith #649)
7. When adultery was slandered against Aisha the prophet order her to repent instead of being violent against her. (sahih bukhari, Book #60, Hadith #281)
8. His wives would talk back to him. (sahih bukhari, Book #43, Hadith #648)
9. Sometimes his wives wouldn’t speak to his for days. (sahih bukhari, Book #43, Hadith #648)
As we can see the prophet (may peace be upon him) separated himself from his wives. He didn’t beat them. If the command is that the husband should beat his wives during disobedience, then why did the prophet (may peace be upon him) not beat his wives. However, as is one of the meanings of the word “nushooz” to be “separate” he upheld such meaning.
Being good to wives/women
1. 2:221 Slave believing women are better than disbelieving women. In respect to marriage
2. 2:222 Keep away from women during their menses. This is to honor women during such period.
3. 2:226 taking oath not to have sexual relations with their wives must wait for four months. This shows that you can’t make such oath against your wife.
4. 2:228 Take back after divorce if husband and wife intend reconciliation.
5. 2:228 Wives have rights over their husbands.
6. 2:229 Take back after two pronouncement in a reasonable manner.
7. 2:230 if wife marries and afterwards want to reunite with former husband there is no impediment both can marry; however, this is lawful for so long as they both think they will keep the limits of Allah
8. 2:230 keep the limits of Allah
9. 2:231 after two pronouncement the husband can take her back or release her in a reasonable terms
10. 2:231 do not take them back to hurt her, whoever does that, he has wronged himself.
11. 2:232 if the husband wants to take her then he must keep the commandment of Allah.
12. 2:233 if the mother want to suckle her child the father should pay, on reasonable manner
13. there is no sin on you if they (the wives) dispose of themselves in a just and honourable manner (i.e. they can marry). And Allah is Well- Acquainted with what you do. ) Chapter #2, Verse #234)
14. 2:236 divorcing women the man hasn’t touched, rich according to his means and the poor according to his means: on reasonable terms
15. Narrated Anas bin Malik: The Prophet had a Had (a camel driver) called Anjasha, and he had a nice voice. The Prophet said to him, "(Drive) slowly, O Anjasha! Do not break the glass vessels!" And Qatada said, "(By vessels') he meant the weak women." (sahih bukhari, Book #73, Hadith #230) (sahih bukhari, Book #73, Hadith #170) (sahih bukhari, Book #73, Hadith #182) (sahih bukhari, Book #73, Hadith #221) (sahih bukhari, Book #73, Hadith #228) (sahih bukhari, Book #73, Hadith #229) (sahih muslim, Book #030, Hadith #5743) (sahih muslim, Book #030, Hadith #5745) (sahih muslim, Book #030, Hadith #5746) (sahih bukhari,Book #030, Hadith #5747)
16. 'Umar ibn al-Ahwas (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that he heard the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say during his Farewell Pilgrimage:"Verily, you have rights over your women, and your women have rights over you. As for your rights over your women, they are that they should not allow anyone to sit on your beds whom you dislike (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1163, and Ibn Maajah, 1851).
17. It is made lawful for you to have sexual relations with your wives on the night of As-Saum (the fasts). They are Libas (سورة البقرة, Al-Baqara, Chapter #2, Verse #187)
18. Those among you who make their wives unlawful to them by (Zihar الظهار) (i.e. by saying to them "You are like my mother's back,") they cannot be their mothers . . . they utter an ill word and a lie. And verily, Allah is Oft-Pardoning, Oft-Forgiving. (Chapter #58, Verse #2
19. And those who make unlawful to them their wives by Zihar and wish to free themselves from what they uttered, (the penalty) in that case is the freeing of a slave before they touch each other. (Chapter #58, Verse #3)
20. And give unto orphans their property and do not exchange (your) bad things for (their) good ones; and devour not their substance (by adding it) to your substance. Surely, this is a great sin. (4:2)
21. And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan-girls then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice.( 4:3)
22. MUSLIM man must give their women mahr: once against looking after the interest of the Muslim women And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allah has made it lawful). (4:4)
23. Wife get part of the inheritance; (4:11-12)
24. O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will; and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse; and live with them honourably. (4:19)
25. Narrated 'Aisha: I said, "O Allah's Apostle! A virgin feels shy." He said, "Her consent is (expressed by) her silence." (sahih bukhari, Book #62, Hadith #68)(sahiih bukhari, Book #62, Hadith #67) (sahih bukhari, Book #62, Hadith #68) (sahih bukhari, Book #85, Hadith #79) (sahih bukhari, Book #86, Hadith #101)
26. And whoever of you have not the means wherewith to wed free, believing women, they may wed believing girls from among those (slaves) whom your right hands possess, . . and give them their Mahr according to what is reasonable. (4:25)
27. Mercy between husband wife. 30:21
Beat
Narrated Umar ibn al-Khattab: The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: A man will not be asked as to why he beat his wife. (sunan abu dawud, Book #11, Hadith #2142)
Narrated 'Ikrima: Aisha said that the lady (came), wearing a green veil (and complained to her (Aisha) of her husband and showed her a green spot on her skin caused by beating). It was the habit of ladies to support each other, so when Allah's Apostle came, 'Aisha said, "I have not seen any woman suffering as much as the believing women. (sahih bukhari, Book #72, Hadith #715)
don’t beat
Narrated Abdullah ibn AbuDhubab: Iyas ibn Abdullah ibn AbuDhubab reported the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) as saying: Do not beat Allah's handmaidens, but when Umar came to the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) and said: Women have become emboldened towards their husbands, he (the Prophet) gave permission to beat them. Then many women came round the family of the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) complaining against their husbands. So the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) said: Many women have gone round Muhammad's family complaining against their husbands. They are not the best among you. (sunan abu dawud, Book #11, Hadith #2141)
Narrated Mu'awiyah ibn Haydah: I said: Apostle of Allah, how should we approach our wives and how should we leave them? He replied: Approach your tilth when or how you will, give her (your wife) food when you take food, clothe when you clothe yourself, do not revile her face, and do not beat her. (sunan abu dawud, Book #11, Hadith #2138)
Narrated Mu'awiyah al-Qushayri: I went to the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) and asked him: What do you say (command) about our wives? He replied: Give them food what you have for yourself, and clothe them by which you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them. (sunan abu dawud, Book #11, Hadith #2139)
Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin: Habibah daughter of Sahl was the wife of Thabit ibn Qays Shimmas He beat her . . .Take them and separate yourself from her. (sunan abu dawud, Book #12, Hadith #2220) (sahih muslim, Book #015, Hadith #4078) (sahih muslim, Book #015, Hadith #4086) (sahih muslim, Book #015, Hadith #4089)
So far as Abu Jahm is concerned, he is a great beater of women . . .(sahih muslim, Book #009, Hadith #3526)
In Islam, a master can’t slap or hit his slave (sahih muslim, Book #015, Hadith #4086)(sahih muslim, Book #015, Hadith #4089) (sahih muslim, Book #015, Hadith #4083) (sahih muslim, Book #015, Hadith #4084). If one can’t hit his slave then how can he hit his beloved wife. Moreover, there is a hadith in sahih muslim (Book #015, Hadith #4088), a master would have been punished in the hereafter by hitting his slave. So, he would go to hell by hitting his slave, then imagine hitting the wife God said to be a mercy between the two of you (30:21). There are two hadiths in sunan abu dawud (Book #11, Hadith #2139) and (Book #11, Hadith #2138), that clearly enshrines that a husband cannot be his wife! Period! For those who uphold the word “nushooz” to mean “beating” then how can anyone circumvent the above-mentioned hadiths.
Allah knows best!
