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No Muslim man can force his wife into sex!

By
Karim
(He is a new convert to Islam, from the Netherlands)

 

 

If a man calls his wife   to bed and she refuses, and then he sleeps angry, the angels shall curse her until he awakens.” [an unquestionably authentic hadith, related by both Bukhari and Muslims, as well as numerous others]

 

Islam is an religion of peace, and honours women. There are many hadith about the good treatment of women.

 

Unfortunately some igonarant muslim men think they can force their wives to have sex with them. They argue that ‘since it is obligatory for a women to respond to her husbands call to have sex , they can force their wives to have sex with them if they refuse their request’

 

This is wrong and this sort of behaviour has no place in Islam!

 

Refuting their weak argument (and explaining the hadith in question):

 

If something is obligatory to do for a muslim, does this mean we are allowed to force a muslim to do so, if he/she doesnt perform the obligated things in Islam.

 

Like for example, it is obligatory for a muslim to pray 5 times a day, does this mean we can force and abuse/ torture a muslim to peform his prayer?

 

If someone doesnt fast during Ramadan, are we muslims allowed to force him to do? Of course not. The prophet (swa) never forced anyone to do something.

 

We know it is obligatory for a person to follow the religion of Islam if he/she wants to get to Jannah, so can we (even out of love or mercy)  force non-muslims into islam?

 

2:256 There is no compulsion in religion, for the right way is clearly from the wrong way. Whoever therefore rejects the forces of evil and believes in God, he has taken hold of a support most unfailing, which shall never give way, for God is All Hearing and Knowing.

 

So Allah swt makes clear that we cannot force others to our religion. So if we can’t force non-muslims to islam (to save them from hell) then how can it be allowed to force our own brothers and sisters in islam to do certain religious dutys? Off course we must warn them for committing a sin, and we are obligated to help them and to forbid them what is wrong, but every person in islam is responsible for his own deeds, at the end it’s a persons own choice to decide which thing to do, as muslims brothers and sisters we have to do all we can to save them from sins or evil deeds, but we can’t force them. It’s their own choice which thing to do at the end. Allah swt will judge us on our intentions, a persons real intention comes only out when there is free-will and free-choice in religion. Thats why Allah swt allowed free-will and free-choice in Islam (Allah swt knows best)

 

So when the prophet said:  "If a man invites his wife to sleep with him and she refuses, then the angels send their curses on her till morning

Does this mean the husband can force his wive into sex/marital rape ? Noooooooo!

 

The wife clearly knows that she is wrong, when she rejects her husband request (she should fullfil his sexuel needs). But the husband can’t compulse or force his wife into sex/marital rape. The husband has the right to insist that she should fullfil his right, and the husband has the right to be angry at her for this (in a proper way), even the husband has the right to divorce her when she repeatedly refuses his request,  however he still hasn’t the right in Islam to force her into sex/marital rape !, if he had the right to do, then certainly the prophet would mention it, but the prophet didn’t. The reason for this is that forcing someone doesn’t belong and doesn’t fit in the peacefull teachings of Islam.

 

 

Islam is clear about rules and punishment. For major sins like fornication , rape,  murder and theft , there are physical punishments. However when it comes to issues like ‘not performing the 5 daily prayers’ or ‘not fasting during ramadan’ or ‘not fullfilling the sexual needs of one’s spouse’ etc. then a person will be held responsible for his own deeds on the day of judgement. Allah swt will judge a person by his own deeds, all the sins committed by the person during his earthly life will count in his judgement by Allah swt, based on this Allah swt (and not the husband !) will decide which reward and/or which punishment a person will get.

 

 

Further the hadith in question clearly states at the end: “If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till the morning.”

 

So no where in the hadith, is the husband giving any right to force his wife into sex, instead the hadith clearly mentions, that when the husband spends the night in anger (this is another proof that makes clear that a husband can’t force his wife to have sex, because how can a husband spend the night in anger sexually depressed, if he had the right and could force his wive to fullfill his sexuel needs?? This cleary poofs that a muslim husband doesn’t have the right to force his wife into sex with him) , the angels will curse his wife (with curse is ment: Allah swt wont hear or answer her prayer till the morning) ,  so the punishment for the wife’s sin is clearly mentioned in the hadith, the angels will curse her ( her prayer won’t be heard by Allah swt) , no where does the hadith gives any idea of forcing or physical punishment.

 

 

Secondly:

 

It is well know that forcing someone to sex in almost all cases goes together with bringing physcial and/or emotional harm to a person, if a husband beats/scares his wife to force her to have sex, then he clearly abuses his wife physical and emotional. In this case the husband will commit a major sin, he’s violating the sunnah of the prophet swa and the law of Allah swt in the Quran:

 

There shall be no infliction of harm on oneself or others". (Related by Al-Daraqutni, Ibn Majah and Ahmad.)

O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower [money given by the husband to the wife for the marriage contract] ye have given them, except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good (Qu’ran An-nisa 19)

 

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) as saying: "He who believes in Allah and the Hereafter, if he witnesses any matter he should talk in good terms about it or keep quiet. Act kindly towards woman, for woman is created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is its top. If you attempt to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, its crookedness will remain there. So act kindly towards women.  (Translation of Sahih Muslim, The Book of Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 008, Number 3468)" 

 

As we explained before, it is well known that forcing someone into sex in almost all cases goes together with physical and/or emotional harm, which is stricty forbidden in Islam.

 

 

 

Narrated Abu Huraira: "A man said to the Prophet , 'Advise me! 'The Prophet said, 'Do not become angry and furious.' The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet said in each case, 'Do not become angry and furious.'   (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Good Manners and Form (Al-Adab), Volume 8, Book 73, Number 137)" 

Narrated Abu Huraira: "Allah's Apostle said, 'The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.  (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Good Manners and Form (Al-Adab), Volume 8, Book 73, Number 135)"

 

A Muslim would neither abuse nor speak bad words to, nor curse others.’ (Sahih Muslim)

 

 

It is impossible for a husband who forces his wife to have sex with him (marital rape) to approach her in this way. How can an angry forcing husband bring romance (romantic words ,kissing) and love to his wife by forcing her into sex ?  It’s obvious that a husband who forces his wife to have sex with him more resembles a wild animal then a romantic lover, the prophet clearly directed to the husbands: ‘None of you should fall upon his wife like an animal’

                                                                                                                                                     Also:

 

Imam Ibn al-Qayyim (Allah have mercy on him) reports in his famous “Tibb al-Nabawi” that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) forbade from engaging in sexual intercourse before foreplay. (See: al-Tibb al-Nabawi, 183, from Jabir ibn Abd Allah)

 

Sexual Rights of the Wife

Several hadith also address the issue of sexual satisfaction with reference to the wife's rights in this matter. The Prophet advised Abdullah bin Amr bin Al-As (who spent all day fasting and all night in prayer) to fast sometimes and not at other times; to pray at night and to sleep at night. "Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you and your wife has a right over you." (Bukhari, Vol.7, No. 127) The wife's rights include a right to companionship from her husband and fulfillment of her sexual needs.

 

Rights of the Husband

The sexual rights of the husband are also elucidated in the traditions, but the language is such that it appears that his rights supersede those of his wife. For example, in Bukhari, AbuHuraira reports that the Prophet said, "If a man invites his wife to sleep with him and she refuses, then the angels send their curses on her till morning." (Vol. 7, No. 121-2; in Muslim, the text reads that God is displeased with her until the husband is pleased with her Nos. 3366-68).

Since the husband's urges are so strong, and to prevent him from acting out on them illicitly, a wife's duty therefore is to submit (but cannot be forced) in order to preserve the marriage. Yet, human beings are endowed with self control not seen in any other species, such that we do not act on every instinctual impulse because of some uncontrollable force. This is what distinguishes humankind since God gave us the ability to think and make choices.

Therefore, there is no justification for forcing women to have sex against their will, even in marriage. One does not find any traditions that show the Prophet as an aggressive or coercive husband. Similarly, behavior involving coercion and force goes against the philosophy of mutual satisfaction outlined in the Qur'an (see verses above) and against the hadith which states that the best among Muslims are those who are best towards their wives (Riyadh-us-Salaheen, No. 278). Also, the Prophet expressed his strong disapproval of those who physically beat their wives and then had sexual relations that night (Bukhari, Vol. 7, No. 132, Vol.9, 81-82; see also Riyadh us-Salaheen, No. 274).

 

Since we have proven that a husband can’t force his wife into sex ( he has to right to insist or demand,  but cannot force his wife, if his wife refuses, her prayer wont be heard by allah, if a wife repeatedly refuses her husbands request to join him in bed , then the husband has the right to divorce his wife instead of forcing his wife to sex , forcing a wife will only bring damage to a marriage relationship between spouses)

 

I also wanne point out that Islam is a religion of free will and free choice, forcing someone contradicts the concept of free-will and free-choice in Islam

 

surat Al-Isra', (Verse 15), , "Whoever goes right, then he goes right only for the benefit of his ownself. And whoever goes astray, then he goes astray to his own loss. No one laden with burdens can bear another’s burden…"

 

urat Fussilat, (Verse 46), what can be translated as, "Whosoever does righteous good deed it is for (the benefit of) his ownself, and whosoever does evil, it is against his ownself, and your Lord is not at all unjust to (His) slaves."

 

 

Finally i like to point out that Allah swt in the Quran commands ‘just behaviour’ and a husband should live with his wife ‘on a footing of kindness and equity’ , forcing a wife into sex /martial rape is clearly a sin and breaks Allah’s command ‘ live with them on a footing of kindness and equity’ , Allah swt will punsih the wrongdoers and injust people!

 

{O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower [money given by the husband to the wife for the marriage contract] ye have given them, except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good.} ( Qu’ran An-nisa 19)

 

Allah swt does not stop at warning against corruption; he also points out the right way. He instructs the Prophet Say: My Lord has commanded you to be just (Quran 7:29), meaning to be fair and moderate in all matters without going into either extreme

 

Allah swt commands in the Qur'an: "O ye who believe! Stand out firmly for Allah, as witnesses to fair dealing, and let not the hatred of others to you make you swerve to wrong and depart from justice. Be just: that is next to Piety: and fear Allah. For Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do." [Quran ,Al-Maidah 5:8]

 

 

 

Tafsir Ibn Kathir on this verse:

Justice is Always Necessary

Allah said,

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(and let not the hatred of some people in (once) stopping you from Al-Masjid Al-Haram (at Makkah) lead you to transgression (and hostility on your part).) The meaning of this Ayah is apparent, as it commands: Let not the hatred for some people, who prevented you from reaching the Sacred House in the year of Hudaybiyyah, make you transgress Allah's Law and commit injustice against them in retaliation. Rather, rule as Allah has commanded you, being just with every one. We will explain a similar Ayah later on,

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(And let not the enmity and hatred of others make you avoid justice. Be just: that is nearer to piety,) which commands: do not be driven by your hatred for some people into abandoning justice, for justice is ordained for everyone, in all situations.

(source: http://www.tafsir.com/default.asp?sid=5&tid=13174 )

 

"Allah commands justice, the doing Of good, and liberality to kith And kin, and He forbids All shameful deeds, and injustice And rebellion: He instructs you, That ye may receive admonition. (The Noble Quran, 16:90)"

 

Tafsir Ibn Kathir on this verse:

The Command to be Fair and Kind

Allah tells us that He commands His servant to be just, i.e., fair and moderate, and that He encourages kindness and good treatment.

Source: www.tafsir.com   and check chapter sixteen verse 90.

 

A muslim Husband must be ‘just’ to his wife (Allah swt commands justice! ), he has to be aware of the fact that Allah swt will judge him on his behaviour. Therefore a muslim husband who is ‘just’ does understand the fact that his wife not always can be capable to fullfill his sexuel needs, he can’t aspect from his wife to be ready for him 3 times a day, just because he has a need for sex 3 times a day, he has to be aware, that a women menthal and physical not always can be ready for him to satisfy his sexual needs , a women is an human being with feelings full of love and deep emotions, she’s not a lunp of flesh for his sexual lusts, in islam a wife is:

 

“This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous woman.” (Sahih Muslim 10/56, Kitab al-rida', bab istihbab nikah al-bikr.)

A ‘just’ husband has to be aware of the fact that his wife not always can be mental and physical capable to fullfill his sexual needs, therefore Allah swt commands us to be ‘just’ in the Quran  7:29. Further the prophet wanted to protect women against ‘unjust husbands/men’ who would abuse their rights and ignore their womens rights (like for example: just treatment and comfort etc) , thats why he said:

 

 

The Prophet said: ”My Lord, I place particular importance on the rights of the two weak groups: orphans and women  (Narrated by Al-Nasa’i following Abu Shourayh)

 

Riyad as Saliheen, chapter 33 (kindness to orphans, girls, the weak, the very poor .) , Nr. 270. Abu Shurayh Khuwaylid ibn 'Amr al-Khuza'i said, "The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, 'O Allah! I consider it a wrong action that the rights of two weak ones be violated: orphans and women." [an-Nasa'i]

 

 

So forcing a wife into sex /marital rape is clearly forbidden in Islam!

 

Narrated Jarir bin 'Abdullah:  "Allah's Apostle said, 'Allah will not be merciful to those who are not merciful to mankind.'  (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, ONENESS, UNIQUENESS OF ALLAH (TAWHEED), Volume 9, Book 93, Number 473)"

The Muslim needs to always be polite, humble, patient, loving and well mannered when he/she deals with others, whether they were Muslims or non-Muslims.  Allah Almighty certainly doesn't love those who are offensive and rude to others:

"Allah forbids you not, With regard to those who Fight you not for (your) Faith Nor drive you out Of your homes, From dealing kindly and justly With them: For Allah loveth Those who are just”  (The Noble Quran, 60:8)

 

Sources: The Noble Quran (yusuf ali) , Sunnah of the Prophet, http://www.mwlusa.org  

 

 

Allah swt knowst best

 

 

 

 

If a man calls his wife   to bed and she refuses, and then he sleeps angry, the angels shall curse her until he awakens.” [an unquestionably authentic hadith, related by both Bukhari and Muslims, as well as numerous others]

 

 

The hadith in question can only be explained and understood as followed:

They are garments for you and you are garments for them.” [Qur’an, 2.187]


It is the nature of garments that they bring comfort, dignity, and keep one  from indecency and harm. This is how each spouse acts, emotionally, physically, and spiritually for the other.



Part of this is that each spouse is religiously expected to fulfill the sexual  needs of the other, such that their desires are brought into check, and they  are able to stay away from the haram, both major (such as fornication) and lesser  (such as looking at the unlawful, and thinking of the unlawful).


Sexual relations are vital in marriage. One of the scholars said, “Couples happy in bed are happy in their marriage.” One of the scholars in Syria said,  “The scholars today generally agree that one of the primary reasons for failed  marriages is failed sexual lives.” Western studies confirm this.


     

This is why the Shariah has made it obligatory for both spouses to fulfill the sexual needs of their spouse in marriage. This is understood, the scholars  say, from the abovementioned Qur’anic verse (2:187)


Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) says,



Among the rulings of marriage is that each spouse is allowed to derive sexual  pleasure from the other.” [ Radd al-Muhtar, 3.4]

 

 

For example: If the wife declines his desire to make love with her, he may be psychologically affected and experience physical ailments related to this (e.g. stimulation excitation, congestion and sexual suppression due to the lack of ejaculation).

 

 

In Islam both husband and wife have the right to fullfill each others sexual needs (see also page …). In case of the husbands right to sexual pleasure , he has to remember that:

 

The husband is expected to exercise even this right within the Qur’anic paradigm  of love and mercy.

It is in this context we must understand that the words of the Messenger  of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) that, “If a man calls his wife   to bed and she refuses, and then he sleeps angry, the angels shall curse her until he awakens.” [an unquestionably authentic hadith, related by both Bukhari and Muslims, as well as numerous others]

     

This is not a call to sexual abuse (or forcing someone into sex); rather, it is a call to happy marriages  where each spouse rushes to fulfill the rights and desires of the other.


This is the exception, too: scholars explain that particular rulings must  be understood in the context of general rulings, for affirming one matter does not entail negating another.


     

Given this, such ‘rights’ must be understood within the clear context of  the Qur’anic command to “live together in excellence,” and the words of the  Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) that,

   

The most perfect of believers are those most perfect of character; and the  best of you are the best of you to your spouses.” [Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibban]



The best of you are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you with  my wives.”           [Ibn Hibban]




And of His signs is this: He created for you spouses from yourselves that ye might find rest
in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo! herein indeed are portents  for folk who reflect.
(Quran 30:21)

    

And Allah alone gives success.

Walaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,



(source: sheikh Faraz Rabbani at sunnipath.com)

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